This is Not a Helpful Blog

thoughts, experiences and creativity thru my very own lens

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the why

In my own weird way this is just for me. Its not helpful because if I write it to be helpful I might get preachy. Or know-it-all-ie or pretend like I have it all figured out, which I don’t. This is just an exercise in letting it all hang out. To write, because I like to write. To see if this part of me, that I consider my soul, wants to write letters to my psyche maybe to get some awareness on what could possibly be true. We are all the same, so maybe a word I select to describe something we all feel lands on you, you are welcome to take it as your own. If you get distracted by my poor sentence structure or weird sense of humor, its ok. This is NOT a helpful blog.

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Working it out. Tuning in and connection for the morning before the adventures continue. #family #roadtrip #california #solanabeach #yoga #familyyoga

Holy shit balls what a haul! Some shedding surely occurred for us all, the byproduct of the road, precious songs, Mother nature’s display. Driving for Sun Dog in the morning. Recharging for all that’s yet to come. . . #roadtrip #texas #newmexico #arizona #california #renewableenergy #sunset #ontheroad #sundog #nofilter

Shit! Even trying to be aware I still get awakened! Over and over there is always something stiller beneath the illusions. When my values aren’t aligning to my actions, I’m not in integrity. Well this alone takes so much awareness, what are my fucking values and what the hell am I actually doing??! and not doing like accomplishments and shit but soul level energy doing?? Where am I?? This is where I’ve been for awhile...but today I realized with the help of my honesty support team, that when this is happening my cue is in my body shows up as, terrible anxiety! That anxiety I’ve been trying to “manage/control/yoga/breathe/smoke/love/numb/etc etc” which has left me clouded, confused and in my obsessive addictions to escape/manage/control etc etc my ANXIETY! This feeling I’ve been sooooo used to that it’s normal!! BUT the breakthrough IS that I’m in a loop that feels shitty as hell!! And I’m not giving myself or others a choice. I’m not sharing the truth of my compartmentalizations and divisions of integrity and I am creating a trap that someone- namely ME has to escape from. But what’s the truth?? I have to be honest about the facts, where does Jennifer go when she’s in relationship? How does my codependency and addictions start to drive my life and make my discomfort about what everyone else is doing or not doing my problem? My reason for not growing a pair of legs and standing in my values and taking action from there??! It’s a real conundrum but I got a little something this week! It’s good because it’s bringing me back to Jennifer today and the realization that I don’t have to go under emotionally/mentally/spiritually to trap the illusions into my life and therefore never get to feel whole. I get to tell the truth and trust everyone else to do what they need to do. Fuck the nuisance in this work but I’m so grateful!! Everything IS going to be all right! #recovery #recoveringme #healing #keepingitreal #inmyownlane #justfortoday #cutmylawn

Pool, no kids, music in my ears and a cold towel round my neck. Preppin towards greatness, feeling sexy, embracing what is and uncovering loads of truth. Today just blew my mind. Thankin Ganesha for my sister on the path @efwilliams #saidhey #babyigotyourmoney #sunshine #shesgotpoolfordays

Sometimes you just walk into each other’s neighborhoods and make some shit happen. @janeandthelion I’m glad to find another sage carrying, like SUPER FUCKING talented, creative momma west coast loving Wild in Texas. 🖤 love you! #wildco #marfa #marfatribe #create #food #desert #mountains #love #wildspiritadventures #familysunday #janeworldwide 💜🥑🐇

Noticed the #marfa signs and I just keep going. Finished the project I started in Marfa. A project of collecting what I like...Sitting in town I noticed all the fonts and lettering on the signs. Driving around West Texas with music and good friends is one of my favorite things! The mountains, the sky, the beauty it’s so vast. At night, It’s so dark and there are layers upon layers of stars, so open I can't stop looking. The sun shines for almost 16 hours and when the stars come out the cosmic veil lifts and we catch a glimpse on what is on the other side. This trip means a lot to me and always always always lights things up on my return. Every year! 🖤fuck! #roadtrip #hotelpaisano #texashwy17 #elcosmic#roadtrip #hotelpaisano #texashwy17 #elcosmico #westtexas #marfaart #art #acrylicpainting #artistsoninstagram #imperfectart #transferingfeelings #myexperiences #expandingunderstanding

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